Hot, Hot, Hot: Top Ten “Turn-Ons” For Women:

Of course she wants you, why wouldn’t she, you’re handsome (at least you and your mother think so), you’ve got a job, and a great personality, and besides she’s exhibiting ALL the signs. Let’s fact it, she calls you and even complains about the men she dates, she frequently “ignores” incoming calls when you’re together, she smiles a lot and brushes her hand against yours when you’re talking, notices your haircut and new shirt, even touches up her make-up when you’re together She might say she wants to be friends, but YOU know better…and as far as YOU’RE concerned, it’s probably only a matter of time. Well guys, you may want to alert the presses but just because a woman “flirts” with you doesn’t mean she’s interested. Women are simply “friendlier” by nature, Just look at their relationships with other women. They hug and kiss each other hello and good-bye, talk for hours (often about “nothing” in particular) and even go to the washroom together.

Remember, while men are visual, women are visceral and, while looks and physical chemistry “are” incredibly important, attraction is based more on primary “needs” than on fulfilling “primitive” desires. In fact, if she were interested in you, she’d probably be reluctant to “flirt” for fear of putting her (potentially unreciprocated) emotions on the line and compromising the friendship.

Getting a woman’s attention requires more than just flexing your biceps, it requires being flexible in your understanding of what’s “sexy” and “desirable”.

1. Confidence: Knowing who and what you are and being “proud” of the person you are and what you have to offer (without being arrogant or expectant) is very reassuring. Men who exhibit blatant insecurity and are threatened by others, especially when attempting to pursue a women are easy to “cast off”. Let’s face it, if YOU don’t believe you’re good enough, how are you going to convince others you are, and why should they believe you. Think of it this way, if the word on its own carries a negative connotation, chances are that’s how you are being perceived. So, leave your jealousy and uncertainty at the door. Consider instead identifying your strong points, enhancing them, and devising a plan that makes those more noticeable and desirable. Maybe familiarize yourself with some “in” spots, world news, shows or do some traveling so you have something to bring to the table and offer and which will make you (and her) feel secure about your obvious edge over others and what you have to offer….and most of all, remember, especially in the beginning, try to refrain from being discouraged. Your persistence and determination to rise above other suitors speaks louder than you think.

2. Action: All talk and no plan make jack a lost prospect. Women are attracted to (mentally) strong and capable men who say what they mean and mean what they say. Surely they want to be needed, but they prefer to be wanted. Think about it would you want someone to be with YOU because they had “no other choice” or because you WERE there choice (perhaps among many). Men who are competent on their own and in a variety of arenas, including dating are extremely seductive. Remember women have been bestowed the label of caregiver for a lifetime. Sometimes it’s nice to be cared for…and that includes (vehemently but non-threateningly) pursuing them in the initial stages of the relationship. Experts suggest defining a woman’s like, dislikes and areas of importance and creatively acknowledging and addressing those. If you know she likes a man with a modern apartment, then work on making it comfortable for her, if she likes chocolate, try to bring some on your next date, or if she’s big on cleanliness, try to vacuum your car, even if it’s an old jalopy, the fact that it’s well taken car of may just exhibit just enough potential to show that you take pride in yourself and your things and have direction and ambition of your own.

3. Vulnerability and Sincerity: Most women have grown to expect men to say and act in a way that will get them “what they want”….and that frequently prevents them from getting it. Wooing a woman is one thing but indulging her (initially) in extravagance may seem almost un-trustworthy. Cleverly “orchestrated” romantic dinners, exorbitant outings and escapes, etc. may seem like a ploy to conceal flaws, weaknesses or perhaps other questionable traits, circumstances or situations. Addressing or assuaging a woman’s cares, concerns or fears via material possessions and extreme benevolence may only serve to increase them. Ladies much prefer a man who can show sensitivity and compassion. The ability to relate to others and be willing to step up to the plate to make life and living more enjoyable (for everyone) can be quite alluring. Also a man who is NOT afraid to laugh at and admit his shortcomings and include HER in HIS concerns and fears, even seek her support and assistance is extremely reassuring. Remember, “tough guys”, players, con-artists and men who conceal their emotions (even behind beautiful gifts and compliments are a thing of the past and are viewed as very threatening and (intimidating and fake) by modern day women. Consider a “fun” date, in a low key, environment, perhaps a beach, going bowling, playing pool, or an amusement park, anywhere that doesn’t come across as “forced” and allows both of you to interact freely and be yourselves.

4. Decisiveness: Know what you want, be willing to take “risks” to get it, say what you mean and mean what you say. There’s nothing more frustrating for a woman than a man, who in her mind, is playing games, can’t make up his mind, fears or is easily disrupted by life and its challenges, and procrastinates. And, that extends well past the initial stages of the relationship. There’s no doubt that we ALL change our mind (from time to time), and also “take our time” in evaluating and re-evaluating a situation before arriving at a “final” conclusion, but guys are already characterized by their inability to “commit”, any indication that could potentially place you in this category is an immediate turn off. Women (especially those who are strong, independent, self-sufficient and accomplished on their own) need to know that you are equally able to take control without hesitation. If you can’t decide on whether or not to make a date for next week or to call back after a good date, that’s often interpreted as inability to effectuate more important decisions. If you are seriously looking for someone or interested in someone, show it and be prepared for a positive response….women expect you to make the “commitment” in your mind before you make offers or promises you can’t or don’t intend to keep. Also, once you’ve “decided” you “want” a woman, your ability to “stick to that decision” even if it means, “fighting the odds” for her attention and affection boosts your reliability (as far as your intentions are concerned) and is a good indications that you are a “worthy” candidate who is able to follow through on his convictions.

5. Stay Calm, Cool and Collected: But never too “cool”. A man who truly has something special to offer doesn’t have to put on airs. No one is saying NOT to strive to impress, that’s what dating and keeping a relationship alive is all about. However, experts note, that “unrealistic” “impressions” may incriminate your credibility. They say it’s best to impress with your intrinsic virtues, and qualities, not by trying to “outshine” or “out brag” your “competition. Also don’t get too personal. Remember the objective, especially when getting to know someone, is to keep it light and fun. Resist temptation with regards to attacking them with a barrage of personal questions in an effort to reveal true intentions (and life goals). Sure you WANT to know if you’re both after the same thing and if this even has “potential”. Still, keep in mind that “ideals” and expectations change, so don’t try to get enough information and judge too soon. Keep it real, have fun, and don’t try too hard to assess the situation, or be likeable and amusing.

6. Trust: Security is a huge issue for women. They not only need to be able to trust YOU but need to know they are also trusted. Keep in mind they do not need a protector and they certainly don’t need to be protected from you. Roving Casanovas and “disciplinarians” are among the worst offenders. If you are trying to secure a stable, loving and healthy relationship, it’s imperative you give it 100 percent. Try to focus on her and ONLY her without hindering potential or progress by “keeping your options open”. Refrain from giving her any doubt about trusting your intentions or about what she means to your and in your life. For those in established relationships, it’s imperative you continue to openly express yourself, include her in decisions, take her side (when appropriate and necessary) and give her the freedom to grow independently (through your encouragement) and (together) as a team.

7. Knowledge and Humor: Remember guys, knowledge is POWER and so is a good sense of humor. Women very much appreciate a “worldly” man who is well versed in a variety of arenas and I don’t just mean those involving hockey. Social consciousness is extremely important and so is the ability to laugh at yourself, situations and life in general. Engaging conversation combined with clever witticisms are generally a winning combination. According to experts and women alike, try to refrain however from topics geared at revealing her “ineptitude” and your “superior” intellectual prowess. Engage instead in conversation that’s interesting and challenging and offer the opportunity for showing off your versatility and encourage free expression without being offensive, condescending or sensitive. And, keep in mind, women love “mystery” and “intrigue”. Divulge just enough information to ignite her interest but eclipse just enough to KEEP her “fascinated” and interested.

8. Ambition and Enthusiasm: Professionals point out: WHAT you drive is probably not as important as HOW MUCH drive you HAVE. Nobody is (realistically) expecting you to keep up with the Joneses, but having a zest for life and trying to improve yourself and your situation/circumstances is very admirable and a trait most women appreciate. Surely there are plenty of things in life more important than material possessions and luxuries. And, while women generally place greater priority on these, they also find great comfort and security in knowing that the man they are interested in (or involved with) is not merely content with or in a “stagnant” situation. Remember, besides security (the basic essentials of home, family, food and clothes), most women admire and thrive on “a sense of adventure” and a determined spirit. Exposing your lady (or lady of interest) to new ideas, places, experiences, and/or venues will make a lasting impression, as will your passion for living life to the fullest. Gone are the days when most women were willing to accept a mate who worked hard all week and then leisurely puttered around the home on the weekend, only to ultimately recline to his TV and beer. Today’s woman (women) more likely than not have been independent and on her own since her college days and is perfectly capable of pursuing her own goals and dreams. Women are likely NOT looking for nor need a man to fulfill their hopes and aspirations, but rather are seeking a partner who SHARES them and is ready, willing and able to work together to make them happen. She doesn’t only want a nice home, but for YOU to take pride and interest in it actually care about how it’s furnished, how it’s maintained, etc. She wants YOU to also want and work toward bettering each other and your lives. From how you talk, to the things you own and places you go, basically, she would like life (with you) to be “exciting” and replete of fulfilling, learning and growing experiences, not just a comfortable routine that reeks of complacency.

9. Show Your Softer Side: Chances are that most women are resorting to online dating because they are tired of “dolling” themselves up just so you could pay attention to them from the neck down. Meeting online offers them the opportunity to meet you in the comfort of their fuzzy pj’s and examine your communication skills without the obstruction of other women, other “distractions” or expectations. Despite the efforts of Gloria Steinem (many modern young women may not even remember who she is or why she’s noted) and other feminist insurgents, contemporary women are able to delineate between equality being treated like and lady and actually look forward to acts of chivalry. Opening car doors, presenting her with flowers, even pulling out her seat are all considered and viewed (by most women) as appropriately acceptable gentlemanly behaviors. Other “old-fashioned” values, morels, ideals and mores, such as willingness to help someone across the street, refraining from foul language and obscene gestures, putting some effort in your appearance etc., are also very powerful tools, especially when vying for a woman’s interest. Sill, both women and experts caution on coming across as contrived. A delicate balance is essential and admirable, while “too much of a good thing” may reek of machismo. Also be (and remain) respectful. Refrain from reflecting on your previous relationships and/or conquests, drinking excessively (and loosing control of your faculties and good judgment), and never extend yourself beyond your (immediate) reach. Keep your hands to yourself, and if and when the situation calls for it, take it slow (hold hands, a good-night kiss or a affectionate hug) and avoid pressuring or forcing your date into uncomfortable or unwarranted (premature) displays of affection.

10. Charm, Charisma, Affection and “Passion”: Contrary to popular belief this DOES NOT mean making a mad dash for the nearest Victoria’s Secret or Frederick’s of Hollywood. In fact, according to professionals, for women, intimacy begins in the mind. So, they suggest “stimulating” her brain before you turn your focus anywhere else. In fact, many even suggest NOT making physical intimacy the primary focus or goal of your relationship. Consider intensifying the experience, whether it’s your first kiss or your first special retreat away as a couple by concentrating on wooing, pursuing and establishing an intense friendship first. Don’t be afraid to get in touch with your “feminine” side and host a romantic dinner or two or three, watch a movie in fuzzy sweat pants while sharing pop-corn, holding hands while walking along the boardwalk, orchestrating a enchanting escape or picnic for two, even establishing a “bonding” ritual like reading the paper together on Sunday, sharing a quote of the day, or sending an “I’m thinking or you” note all the while expecting “nothing” but closeness and building a comfort zone, in return. Remember, patience is a virtue. Your attitude and ability to focus on HER “desires” and expectations will only enhance the value she places on you and your special relationship and will lead to a much greater “encounter” in the long run.

Hot, Hot, Hot: Top Ten “Turn-Ons” For Women: