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Every parent looks toward the children’s day with eager enthusiasm and trepidation. After all, you’ve spent countless years “critiquing” his dates, scrutinizing his girlfriends and convincing yourself, and hopefully him, that no woman (other than you) will ever be good enough. But now, your “little boy” is all grown up, and his heart (or at least his hormones) belongs to someone else. Whether you like it or not, he’s found “The One” and he’s prepared to make her his wife.
Besides your relief (he’s finally getting out of YOUR house), and your excitement, you’re also no doubt dealing with feeling of perhaps losing a son. Experts agree that besides the bride, it’s generally the bride’s mom that is most excited about this impending day. Besides gaining a son (yours), she also gets to share the limelight with her daughter. From scrambling (together) to find the ideal dress to the perfect location, arranging brunches, lunches and showers, she becomes “one of the girls” and even get to vicariously relive her own her own (bridal) exuberance.
So, what do you get to do? Well, traditionally you get to be told where and when to show up looking your best. It’s no wonder you’re feeling “alienated”. Experts assert that today’s Mothers of the groom are young at heart, active and eager to be part of the planning process. The question is how? Especially without imposing on the bride, making her feel “obligated” to include you, or stepping on her toes. Industry professionals make the following suggestions:
1. Welcome the bride and HER family into yours. Soon after the engagement announcement, contact the bride and her family and offer your congratulations. Perhaps put a sentimental card or note in the mail, or invite the family out to or over for dinner. If you don’t live close to each other consider paying a visit to the bride and her family as soon as possible or at least inviting them to visit you, but keep in mind that it’s usually the groom’s parents who are called upon to make the initial contact and effort.
2. Offer your assistance with the ceremony and reception site planning. Perhaps even offer to make a financial contribution, especially for items that you think YOU’d like featured or included in the celebration.
3. Host a get to know you dinner for the bride and her family or take them out before the wedding. Besides your initial contact or meeting, this is a great way and opportunity to invite your other children and family members (that you intend on being at the wedding) and making introductions.
4. Consider hosting or assisting with the bridal or couple’s shower. Contact the bride’s mom or friend(s) and ask what you can do besides send a gift. Remember that the gift YOU give should never outshine the one given by the bride’s mother (as a general rule) but should be something significant and special. You may also want to be instrumental in contacting the groom’s friends (and other family members) and let them know where the couple has registered and taking some of the responsibility off the bride’s mother.
5. Call the bride and ask her to go with to (if possible) to look for your dress. If you live out of town, consider taking a trip in for the weekend/week, bonding with the bride and choosing your wedding day apparel. Perhaps even think about treating the bride (and/or her mom) to a day at the spa.
6. Host the rehearsal dinner (traditionally it’s always been the responsibility of the groom’s parents). Make sure you secure a fun and entertaining location, perhaps with music or some sort of entertainment. Remember, you are expected to invite the bride’s family and the wedding party.
7. If you’re not able to attend or haven’t been included in the Bachelorette party, consider taking the bride (and her mom) out for a night of fun before the wedding. Maybe you could even meet up with the guys afterward and make it a family affair. If the bride invites you to her Bachelorette party (and they are not planning on offensive activities) do your best to go.
8. Take part in the ceremony. Consider asking about walking your son down the aisle (in a less regimental service), giving a speech or writing a special poem for the couple. You may even want to present the couple with a special gift before the ceremony or at some point during or after the reception.
9. If your son is up for it, consider taking ball room dancing with him before the wedding and having an extra special mother-son dance at the reception.
10. If you’ve got the talent and are not shy or apt to get too emotional consider playing a special tribute to your son/the couple at the wedding. Play the piano, a guitar, the harp or even sing a significant and meaningful song…maybe even one you wrote specially for him (them).
Sonny’s Day: How To Effectively Participate In Your Son’s Wedding
Long Island Families - Long Island, NY
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